Ned loved Christmas and especially Rudolph, his mum says
By Sara Down-Roberts
BBC News
The mother of a five-year-old who died in a car crash eight years ago says Christmas is not getting any easier.
Sharon Marie, from Aberystwyth, lost her son Ned on Good Friday 2016 and is preparing for her eighth Christmas without him.
“Ned’s stocking will always be empty on his bed,” she said.
“There will be an empty space where his gifts should be and there is always an empty chair at the table – Ned’s chair.”
Sharon said others seem to expect her to come to terms with the loss of Ned, and she said she makes an effort at Christmas for her other two children while ensuring Ned is remembered in the family’s traditions.
Image source, Family photo
A bauble to commemorate Ned is always the first decoration to be put on the Christmas tree, says Sharon
“Our Christmas is for Tomi and Cai really and it’s important to do more or less the same as we’ve always done, but Ned won’t be forgotten, of course.
“I always put Ned’s stocking out with the other two – we can’t leave Ned’s stocking in a box in the attic.
“The first Christmas without him, my sister bought a bauble with his name on it to put on the tree, and that bauble always goes first on the Christmas tree.
“It’s important to me that there is a place for Ned in our Christmas.”
Sharon said she pictures every year what Ned may have wanted for Christmas.
“He would, of course, be almost 13 now,” she said.
Image source, Family photo
Tomi, Ned and Cai, who was 18 months when Ned died in 2016
Sharon said she finds small ways to make the festive period easier for herself.
“I think what’s important for parents who have lost children is not to put too much pressure on yourself,” she said.
“In a way a few things are getting easier. I don’t feel that guilty now for not visiting family and friends at Christmas – what’s important is to do what feels right for us.
“I shop online, I avoid going into the middle of a crowd and it will be just the four of us at Christmas.
“In the morning I will go to Ned’s grave by myself and have about half an hour just me and him.
“The children are busy opening their presents at that time and in the afternoon the four of us will go to the grave while going for a walk.”
Image source, Family photo
Ned and Tomi visiting Santa
Sharon said her youngest, Cai, was 18 months old when Ned died.
“Cai doesn’t remember him and he asks a lot of questions. I share a number of stories about Ned and his funny sayings.
“That’s not always easy either. Tomi remembers him and as I share memories I have to think about his feelings too – especially when he goes quiet.”
Sharon added that the New Year can also be difficult and that they’ll spend the period elsewhere.
“The time of Ned’s birthday is extremely difficult, and every Good Friday and the date he died, but sometimes difficult times come from nowhere,” added Sharon.
“As an author, writing has helped, but not at the moment. My artwork also helps but sometimes I can’t cope at all.”
Image source, Family photo
Sharon Jones says she hasn’t been able to write recently but hopes to do so in the new year
Sharon says that getting help with bereavement was difficult.
“I’ve had to fight for the right mental health help throughout the years,” she said.
“At the beginning of the summer I went to the doctor, I was then referred to someone else and then was told that there was a waiting list of 18 months before being able to see someone who could help me.
“Fortunately I was able to go privately – but many cannot do that and the situation must be resolved. The right support is not there unfortunately.”
A spokesperson for the Welsh government said: “Losing a child is devastating and we want to ensure we provide the care and support families need.
“Improving mental health support remains a priority and all health boards have plans in place to reduce waiting times and make services more accessible.
“We have easy-to-access support 24/7, including our NHS 111 hotline for emergency help and our CALL helpline for those worried about their mental health.
“The bereavement framework sets out the support people should expect to receive if they are facing a bereavement or have experienced a bereavement.”
If you are affected by any of the issues in this article you can find details of organisations that can help via the BBC Action Line.
