Iraq war 20 years on: 'I lost my leg, but I'd do it again'

Two decades after the UK joined a coalition to overthrow Saddam Hussein in Iraq, BBC News spoke to three Armed Forces veterans whose lives were profoundly changed by their service. All three now use sailing as a means of dealing with the impact the war has had on them.

I was based at Camp Victory in Saddam Hussein’s old palace. One day the Blackhawk helicopter we were in came under fire and was taken down. My leg was badly injured.

Back in the UK, at Selly Oak hospital, they decided I would need to be medically discharged. After 18-and-a-half years my career that I loved was about to end – I was mortified, I didn’t know what to do.

I came back from Iraq with severe PTSD – I was angry with everyone and angry with the world – but there’s always someone else worse off than you, so I decided to pick myself up. I became an HR manager and fitted back into civvy street.

When I found out they were going to have to amputate my leg it was a bit of a shock. I had a very active lifestyle – I did a lot of cycling – so it was hard to take.

Now I throw myself into volunteer work as I have a lot of survivor’s guilt. I hate seeing people in trouble, people suffering.

I still think about Iraq. I still have anger issues. I still have nightmares – I only sleep for three or four hours a night. Nobody can sleep in the same bed as me as I lash out.

I’m proud of my service and the Royal Navy. I’ve been all over the world and have seen some magnificent things and made fantastic friends. We had such good times that far outweigh the bad times.

If you asked me, would I do it again and lose my leg? Yes, I would. But I don’t see the point of wars. Nobody ever wins. It’s just a lot of pain and suffering and meaningless deaths.

Janet Riddell served in Baghdad with the Royal Navy, from October 2006 until April 2007.

It was exciting when I was there. I was young and we did some extraordinary things, but there were huge challenges. One part of my job was working with the patient evacuation team. I saw casualties with life-changing injuries, multiple deaths. Some of the choices that had to be made were really difficult, and they play on your mind later.

I remember coming home from Iraq and walking through London with my uniform on and I got spat on, I got sworn at.

These symptoms had been starting to develop in my mind, and I denied them to start with, and went on tour again. I was afraid to tell anybody, and then my behaviour changed, and the symptoms got worse. I was unwell. I was no use to anybody. I never actually attempted to take my own life, but I certainly thought about it.

Eventually, I stuck my hand up and told someone, and in 2012 I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. I went sailing and found that it helped me. So I set up the charity Turn to Starboard to support other veterans.

When people are really struggling, having a really hard time, we take them on a boat and you see a change in them. Over the last ten years, we’ve given 3,500 people sailing opportunities.

Shaun Pascoe served in the Royal Air Force for 16 years. He did two tours of Iraq.

I find it difficult to explain how Iraq changed me. Some moments were surreal, other times horrific and terrifying. It isn’t really until after the event that you sit down and you look back, and you think: ‘Did that really happen?’ And then it can play on your mind.

I don’t think it affected me initially. A few years later I left the military, and I was more emotional and would get upset about things that I never used to get upset about.

I was never diagnosed with PTSD, but I think I had it. There were times when certain noises or certain smells would trigger anxiety.

My lowest point was one day when the phone rang and I just had this deep emotion of dread. I felt like I could cope better with being shot at on the streets of Iraq than I could with a phone ringing. I just remember fearing the phone ringing because I knew there may be a problem at the other end.

I found it difficult having conversations with people who talked about things they felt were important and I did not – I just couldn’t relate to them. I had no patience with people, which didn’t help in relationships, and I would cry at anything.

I got bored very quickly. I tried various hobbies, and nothing worked, until one day, I took a week’s leave, and went sailing. Sailing helps people get away from certain memories and brings you together with a team.

A lot of people did great work in Iraq. A lot of people died during that work – I lost friends – and we should never forget that. I’m proud of what we achieved. I have no regrets – we did the best we could at the time.

Paul Miller did two tours of Iraq with the Army.

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