Val and Jim said they hoped to remain close for many years to come
By Chris Andrews
BBC News NI
“It’s as if she’s been an integral part of our family all of my life. It’s so special.”
Jim Kilpatrick, from Donaghadee in County Down, had a liver transplant in 2018.
He was only told the organ had come from a 64-year-old man.
Five years later, after many letters, and many tears, a rare bond has formed between Jim and his donor’s widow, Val Renwick.
In March, they met for the first time in-person and last month Val came to support Jim at the British Transplant Games in Coventry.
“There’s a minute fraction of people who go through this process and get to this stage,” Jim explained.
A fateful call
For Val and her husband Leslie, living near Wolverhampton, organ donation had been discussed, but he was not on the register.
Then, one day, Val came home from work to find her 64-year-old husband unconscious after a fall.
At hospital she was told there was no sign of life and was asked about organ donation.”I went and spent time with Leslie on my own and then I knew,” she said.
Jim, meanwhile, who had been on the transplant list for a matter of weeks, received a call.
At 04:20 on Easter Monday 2018, he was told to board a plane for London “straight away” as a transplant was possible.
In the months post-surgery, he began to write.
Image source, Jim Kilpatrick
Val came to Jim’s daughter’s wedding in March – the visit was their first meeting in-person
Transplant patients and donor families are given the option, via hospital support teams, to reach out anonymously.
NHS Blood and Transplant explain it is never too early or too late to write and it can offer guidance to those who wish to do so.
‘I thought my heart would burst’
In his letter, Jim said he wanted to express both gratitude and sympathy. He knew there was no obligation for the recipient to accept, read or reply.
“The difficulty is there are not enough words in the English vocabulary to say what you want,” he added.
To her surprise, Val received three letters, and learned her husband’s kidneys had also been transplanted for two other patients.
“I received the letters and all I can say is it made me so proud of Leslie that I thought my heart would burst,” Val said.
“Out of something so awful, something good happens.”
Image source, Val Renwick
Leslie Renwick died aged 64 in 2018
Val said the letters gave her comfort when she was “still in a very dark place”.
“I felt drawn to Jim and I can’t explain that,” she continued. “Although he was obviously delighted to have had the transplant and be feeling better, he was so aware that I’m on the other side, that I was hurting so bad.
“I wanted Jim to know about Leslie. I can’t tell you how keen I was to know about Jim’s continued recovery and that was really important to me.”
Val said her husband had been enjoying retirement after a career in the Army and the prison service. Golf, walking and cycling were his big passions.
‘Tissues and tears’
Months passed but Val’s reply finally arrived in Donaghadee, followed by more letters and more months.
“The process is convoluted and lengthy,” Jim said.
It can take three or four months for each letter to be processed, while some may be edited.
“It becomes frustrating because right at the start it was fairly clear to me that both of us wanted to have an ongoing conversation, where possible,” Jim continued.
The Covid-19 pandemic denied a first in-person meeting, but eventually a video call was set up.
Jim requested one rule: “Tissues and tears are allowed.”
Image source, Jim Kilpatrick
Val said her husband Leslie would have liked Jim
In the two-hour chat, Jim and Val introduced each other to family and shared photos of dogs, homes and holidays.
Val had not even known Jim was from Northern Ireland, such is the redacted nature of the letter process.
It led, in March 2023, to an emotional first hug. And, later, to a very special invitation.
‘Part of the family’
“I had a letter from Jim’s daughter Jane that they would love to have me at her wedding,” Val said.
“That without me and Leslie she probably would not have got married because she couldn’t have imagined getting married without her dad. It didn’t actually take me long to think I’m going to go.”
She continued: “I can’t say it was without trepidation. There’s nothing like actually seeing that person and hugging that person and when he stood in front of me he looked so well.
“It was everything and more than I thought it would be. They all welcomed me with open arms and told me I am now part of the family.”
In July, Val, her friends and relatives supported Jim who was competing at the British Transplant Games in Coventry.
They embarrassed him, in the nicest way, with t-shirt tributes.
“It was a shock, but a nice personal touch,” said Jim, who won medals in archery and 10-pin bowling.
Image source, Jim Kilpatrick
Jim is the chairman of the Royal Victorial Hospital Liver Support Group, a charity which helps families through their transplant journey
His new team of supporters also joined a walk at the games, crossing the finishing line together.
Jim said the chance of forming such a relationship is “so small”.
“A lot of people don’t want to know anything about their donor,” he said. “They find it a strange concept that they’ve got someone else’s organ and struggle to get past the point where they are only alive because somebody else has died.”
Val said she wanted to encourage others to “understand the importance of transplant and the comfort that we as donor families can get from just a letter.”
“Look where it can lead,” she added. “I haven’t got a big family; Leslie and I didn’t have children.
“I feel I have an extended family now and actually they care about me and what I’m doing.
“That gives me a lovely warm feeling that part of Leslie is still there for me.”
